Everyone has dark-side in various forms which of them mostly rooted from the trauma you suffered or some tragedies you experienced or the oppression you witnessed — it’ll never go away, it’ll never stop, it’s something that you to live along for some quite time. And that all impacts the decision you have to make in your day-to-day life whether big or small, good or bad - sometimes consciously and frequently unconsciously.
On top of that, a question to give a thought upon is how much dark you allow yourself in that another you?
My way (so far) is trying to accept that dark existence inside me and trying that not becoming harmful people surroundings - either emotionally or physically. As some consequences of my mental breakdown, I recently learnt to know myself that I have abusive/aggressive behaviors inside, from the experience that I squeeze my friend’s neck tight and whispered coldly and asked shut his mouth or I would kill him. This is not me and my way treating people I love, most of the time. I was sad and shocked that I have been rooting that behaviour. I sincerely apologized and said SORRY to my friend later.
So, my determination is to try my best this darkness not to define my life. I am seeing someone professional over the last couple of months and trying to figure the most good balance that suits me through pouring all that feeling out. Besides, I’m jogging with my family at 5:00 am every morning, doing mindfulness before working and home-workout every evening. I can gladly say I’m in progress now.
It’s an overwhelming and painful process, I believe, most of the people are going through similarly or differently in their private lives, in their families, in their marriages, relationship, friendship or work and many more.
I’m telling my story here because I want you to know that you are not alone. We all have a lot on our plates in this unprecedented time following coup and covid. So, reach out to help if you think you need some.
Just want to stop here by thanking my family, my best friends, my other-half for the support, kindness, cheers and the reasons to smile amidst messes. I’m so grateful.
Kaung Latt
27 November 2021
